Break Down
by Soul-x-Thief
Summary: Rin knew what it felt like to be betrayed and he was used to it by now, he just wasn't used to it hurting this much—why did it have to hurt so much? Set after the Camping Trip Arc. Not your common cliche. [AS]
1. Part 1

©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUE KATO!

* * *

 **ONE-SHOT**

Rin knew what it felt like to be betrayed and he was used to it by now, he just wasn't used to it hurting this much—why did it have to hurt so much?

Ever since his flames had been unleashed, his life just continued to spiral downwards. First the old man, then Yukio, and now his _friends_? Just how much was he going to be stripped of? His life no longer seemed to be his own and he felt like a piece just being tossed about in an elaborate scheme; in a huge, complicated game.

Like chess kind of.

He was just a piece continuously being used and moved and played with, screwing him over when he had thought he had found solace.

 _Damn it_.

Just damn it all.

Okumura Rin laid in his bed, with his arms folded behind his head, staring up blankly at the ceiling of his dorm room feeling low. These thoughts that traveled through his mind seemed to be coming around more and more often and it was starting to become a bit harder to stay optimistic. How could he? Every attempt he tried to salvage his relationship with his friends was snuffed the hell out and his relationship with his brother seemed to continue to grow distant, a large gap between them that was quickly expanding.

Things were starting to look dimmer and dimmer.

His training with Shura to control his flames seem to be a complete bust. But he _had_ to learn to control the flames! He absolutely _had_ to! Because perhaps if he did then maybe the others would befriend him again…

Rin blinked in surprise at the doubt in his thoughts; since when had that started? Wasn't it; he _will_ learn to control his flame so that the others _would_ befriend him again? When had that changed to 'if' and 'maybe'?

A weary sigh left the boy as he let his eyes fall closed, his exhaustion getting the better of him. Though he didn't dare fall asleep because for the last couple of weeks, nightmares have been coming at random; leaving him waking up in a panicked frenzy. Fear and insecurity suffocating him in the aftereffects. Some dreams were just manifestations of his worrying and stress induced, other dreams however, weren't even real dreams. Just recurring memories from the camping trip meshed up and torturing him in his sleep until he woke up.

A shiver shot up his spine as some of the memories flashed across his mind, chest tightening as the voices echoed in his head,

" _Why the hell…"_

He grit his teeth as he heard Ryuji's voice start in his head; surprisingly, his reaction had hit Rin the hardest. Crushing the younger teen when he saw the frightened, upset look on his wounded face.

" _ **...is Satan's kid at the academy!?**_ "

The black haired boy's jaw began to ache but the pressure in his mouth was relentless as he lifted his arms before crossing them over his closed eyes, feeling his nails dig into the tender skin of his biceps as Shiemi's voice sounded.

" _Why…why are you laughing…_ "

Oh how dumb a move that was on his part. He didn't mean to laugh but he didn't know what else to do! He was so nervous, so scared—he wasn't thinking and began spouting off things from the top of his head.

" _ **...as if there's nothing strange about it!?**_ "

Strange.

She used the term 'strange' to describe everything that was happening at the time. It hurt, for her to say that and to see the tears rolling down her cheeks. He saw many things when he looked into her green irises; hurt, betrayal, confusion, _fear_. But why had she been crying? Was she crying because she was scared of him? Or…

Was she crying because he had hurt her? Had lied to her? Had kept secrets from her?

Had betrayed her?

He _betrayed_ her trust.

How would he ever be able earn it back?

Rin was gritting his teeth so hard, he felt his jaw was cracking. He could feel pain spiking from the spots were his nails were biting into his skin but he didn't let up. He deserved the pain. He deserved a thousand times more than this but for now this would have to do. It was the only thing that he could do to bare it, to keep himself grounded as he became lost in the frightening, painful memories.

" _Just die, please._ "

Rin felt like throwing up; he couldn't stand that memory. He hated it with a passion. To have your own family—your _only_ family—tell you to _die_? What a wound that left. It hurt more than any physical blow he ever took and he remembered everything clear and vivid.

" _You, brother…_ "

His breathing hitched, throat clogging up and tightening,

"… _were the one who killed father._ "

Rin practically jumped off from his bed and stood on shaking legs before he fell to his knees, pulling the trashcan next to his bed closer to him and hugging it to his chest as his stomach lurched. He gagged, trembling and coughing as nothing came up before it happened once more and this time, a warm putrid feeling rose up his throat with an acidy bitter taste filling all of his mouth and bile spewed into the trashcan, hitting the plastic bag inside with a wet noise. A tingling and almost burning sensation was left in his throat and mouth after a choking feeling and Rin let his stomach continue to empty itself again and again until he was left dry-heaving.

The teenager sat still after some minutes before lifting his head up and setting the trashcan on the floor with quivering arms. His posture was slouched and he felt weak, both physically and mentally. Rin wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, too spent to give a damn at the unsanitary act. He spit into the can before pushing it away slightly and began unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off and wiping his hands before tying up the bag in the trashcan. Rin left the balled up shirt on the floor as he slowly rose to his feet, shaking terribly, using the edge of the bed as support.

"T-that…t-this…" He stuttered, his voice rasping slightly, "…this wasn't—I'm _sorry_." Rin apologized aloud as he sat on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his right hand holding his face, palm covering his eyes.

"I'm so sorry everyone, this wasn't supposed to happen."

His voice was barely above a whisper and a tear could be seen rolling down his cheek from beneath his hand, quickly followed by another and more and more.

Rin _really_ wanted the others to trust him. Rin wanted for his _brother_ to trust him. He did, he honestly did. He was trying so hard! But despite the fact that it hurt, despite the fact that he felt betrayed, he knew that their reactions were only natural.

He was the son of Satan after all.

 **Satan**. The king of all demons, the bastard who destroyed his friends lives, and killed hundreds— _thousands_ —of people.

Sometimes, nowadays, Rin finds himself resenting Yukio a little. He was his bother and yet they could not be any more different; inheriting these blue flames was just another difference that separated them. Yukio is logical, he's practical, he doesn't jump into things, and he doesn't cause so much unnecessary trouble. His twin is kind and friendly, and intelligent as hell. Rin would be lying if he said was wasn't proud of his baby bother because he was definitely damn proud. And yet, Rin found himself indigent toward him recently and he felt ashamed as to why;

Yukio is _human_. His twin brother, the person born out of the same womb with him, his own flesh and blood—was human.

And that hurt. It hurt so **much**.

For Yukio, it was believable when people found out he was Fujimoto's son. For Rin, it was just becoming a huge clutter of uncertainty. He didn't feel like his son anymore. He felt…different. He felt unwanted, _unneeded_. Like he didn't fit, like he didn't belong.

For Yukio, it wasn't like that at all. People seem to think of him and Yukio as two separate _people_ instead of two separate _brothers_. Like it was only Rin that was the son of Satan. Like Yukio wasn't his brother, his twin, and that they weren't related. Just because of how different they are.

It _sucked_.

It sucked a lot and Rin couldn't help but hate himself. Honestly, how could he not? More and more bad come and outweigh the good of him and his self-hate just continues to grow. Of course he would never let anyone know that he had such negative feelings for himself—instead he buried those feelings away in the back of his mind and just tried focusing on making people like him, to make people see the good inside of him. But he keeps screwing it up! Just when he thought that he finally had friends—that he finally found his god damn place in everything—he went and screwed it up; and now that his mental walls were no longer up to keep it at bay, the hate flooded through.

Rin began to cry harder, sobs leaving his lips and his hands moved up into his hair as his eyes squeezed shut. He laid down on the bed, curling on his side into fetal position and feeling overwhelmed by the crushing emotions and thoughts running through him.

"Why can't I just be normal?" He sobbed, his voice akin to a whisper.

 ***.*.***

Rin stared at the classroom door. He had just finished with regular school and had now arrived to cram class. Yet, he found himself unable to open the door. A passing thought of skipping class flew through his mind but Rin chose to ignore it. It didn't matter if he skipped class today or not because he would have to just come back here tomorrow right? If not tomorrow then eventually. The confrontation with everyone was inevitable…

But then why was he shaking so badly?

Rin could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his palms become sweaty and his legs turn into lead. He knew how they were going to act, what was going to happen when he saw them. But he already knew that so why was he suddenly so anxious?

"I have to try…" He whispered hoarsely, "… _please_ let me try…"

But Rin could not summon the strength to open the door. Instead he found himself taking a step back.

"Please no, oh please no." He begged as the memories resurfaced. He lifted a hand to his face and held his head in it, forcing himself to take even deep breaths and calm his mind. "It's just stress. Calm down Rin." He muttered to himself before taking one final breath.

"What are you doing?"

"Shit!" Rin swore loudly as he visibly jumped before whipping around. There standing before him was Kamiki Izumo, looking curiously bored. Rin felt his throat close up, "K-Kamiki, hey…" He greeted weakly.

A small eyebrow raised, "What are you doing standing outside the classroom for? Go inside already and stop loitering around."

"I wasn't…never mind." Rin sighed and stepped aside as Izumo opened the door and walked in, catching it before it closed shut all the way. One last exhale escaped him as he pushed it open, walking into the classroom.

Almost immediately he was wishing that he hadn't.

He saw the way Miwa had glance over in his direction when he heard the door open before a fearful look entered his eyes and they snapped to the front of the room. He saw the panicked expression on Renzou's face as he looked over to Ryuji, who tossed a dark look in Rin's direction before redirecting his eyes to the front.

An ache settled in Rin's chest as he let go of the knob, hearing the door click shut behind him and confining him inside.

He directed his eyes downwards to stare at the floor as he walked over to his desk. Once he sat down, he tried to ignore the way Shiemi jumped, and began pulling out his books.

"Hey Shiemi." Rin greeted quietly, looking over to her once he was situated. The blonde's face flushed lightly, her green eyes widening as an uneasy look came over her features while she quickly stuttered out a response.

"H-Hello, Rin!"

' _She looks so uncomfortable.'_ Rin thought sadly and looked away from her. He rested his head in his hand with his elbow on the desk and soon began doodling in the margin of his notebook, drawing little poor sketches of whatever he could.

"Listen up runts."

Blue eyes looked up from beneath messy bangs as Shura's voice sounded. He spotted his trainer standing in the front of the room with a manila folder tucked underneath her arm.

"There has been a change of plans. Your normal schedule has been completely rearranged for today." Questions arose, Renzou being the first to voice them,

"Why is that Ms. Kirigakure?" He asked, "Did something happen?"

Shura sighed loosely, "Mephisto's orders. I just received the update not too long before I came here." She looked over the class in front of her, eyes narrowing slightly, "We're going to head down to the training arena."

About ten minutes later or so, the group of students had arrived to the training arena where they usually tamed demons. There was a large demon seated in the middle of the room, resembling a large lizard with two tails with a chain hooked around its neck. It lay still on the ground, watching the group with unblinking blood colored eyes.

"This here is called a Hirrus." Shura explained, "They're pretty passive most of the time but they do cause trouble here and there. They have the ability to camouflage, much like a Chameleon, and have incredible endurance as well as strength and speed. They also regurgitate spit that quickly hardens and traps their prey."

"Ew…" Renzou spoke as a look of disgust took over his face. The other students shared similar looks and thoughts.

"Alright then, now that you're all updated, I'll leave ya be!" The curvaceous woman gave them a two finger salute with a grin before quickly scurrying off.

Rin stared at the demon, an uneasy feeling creeping into him. He tried to ignore it and took a step forward only to have his arm tugged back suddenly. He squeaked in surprise and turned around to face his attacker, finding rose colored eyes staring into his blue ones seriously.

"Rin, you're gonna have to stick this one out."

Rin blinked. Then blinked again. A sigh left him before he spoke, "Yeah, okay." He agreed quietly and Shura raised an eyebrow slightly but nonetheless dragged Rin over to the side lines. Once the boy sat down, Shura decided to speak,

"Hey."

Rin looked at her with a knitted expression, "Hm?" He hummed.

"You…" The woman trailed off as she took in Rin's features for the first time that day. The boy looked rugged and worn, dark circles beginning to form underneath his eyes and his hair was slightly tousled, no doubt from running his hand through multiple times. The signs of stress showing on his overall appearance.

"You look terrible." She finished, "What the hell happened to you?"

Rin's brows rose in surprise, as he had not been expecting that at all. "Nothing happened. I'm just a little tired." He gave her a funny look, "I think you're just over exaggerating."

Shura gave him a pointed look, "Oh no, Rin you look more than a 'little' tired. You look damn right _exhausted_. Have you been sleeping?"

Rin glance down briefly, his hands coming together in his lap. "Yeah."

"Sorry, that was the wrong question to ask; what I mean is, how _much_ have you been sleeping?"

Rin didn't answer immediately and Shura frowned, "See? Rin, why aren't you sleeping? Are you staying up late fooling around?"

Rin hid a wince and directed his eyes down at his hands. Of course Shura would think he was goofing off. Being irresponsible. Typical Rin.

She couldn't think that he was just having sleeping problems?

No. Of course not.

"No. I just had a little trouble sleeping this week. It's no big deal Shura, don't sweat over it."

The woman stared at Rin for a moment before giving a half shrug, "Alright, if you say so." She finally spoke. "I'm gonna go head out and snatch a couple of beers from one of the breakrooms. I'm leaving you in charge. Make sure they don't do anything stupid." Shura then turned heel and walked to the exit. Rin didn't bother to question why the breakroom would have alcohol, figuring that Shura must have put it in there to keep it close and accessible.

Yet five minutes passed and Shura had still not returned.

When it was breeching ten minutes, Rin was starting to think that she had already gotten drunk while on her way back.

The minutes continued to tick by as he occupied himself by watching the others try to tame the demon that was now acting lively. It wasn't before long that Rin once again felt that uneasy feeling creep into his system. His blue eyes were focused intently on his fellow Exwires when he noticed the demon, who had been still due to Ryuji and Miwa chanting, suddenly move and swipe at Miwa thus causing him to lose place in his chanting with a noise of startle. This caused Ryuji to stutter in shock, his words skipping over each other and the beast was free as the chant dropped. It swiped its claws through its chain, now thoroughly angered and let out a screech. Suddenly it vanished.

' _Shit!'_ Rin thought as he sat forward, his eyes scanning frantically, ' _Didn't Shura say that thing can turn invisible?!'_

He receive his answer when Renzou and Miwa were picked up and tossed about; hitting the wall and falling to the ground. Ryuji had been about to check on them when he was thrown back, slamming against the bleachers as he was stuck with the demon's spit.

"Damn it!" He cursed loudly struggling, "Shima! Koneko!" But the two remained still, a trail of blood coming from Miwa respectively Rin noticed. His heart was thudding against his ribcage before he heard a familiar scream,

 _Shiemi!_

" _Nee_!" She shouted as her contract was torn and her Greenman disappeared into nothing. She screamed as she was suddenly grabbed by the waist and lifted before smashed into the ground. As she was lifted into the air, she was shown to be unconscious and a trail of blood was running down her face; she was held upside down by one of the tails of the creature who had now turned visible.

"Uke!" Izumo ordered, "Mike! Help Moriyama!"

The Byakko charged at the demon but were wiped out within less than a minute. Izumo stared unblinkingly in shock, watching as her familiar were shouting in pain as they disappeared.

"B-But how…no way…" She stuttered as she backed up. The demon screeched once more and jumped at her, missing her as she just barely dodged, then spat at her. Izumo ran as quickly as she could, avoiding the spit the best that she could. As she tried to find another summoning contract, she tripped and fell to the ground, letting out a pained sound.

"Kamiki!" Ryuji shouted as he watched her fall. He looked at Shiemi, who had been dropped on the ground, to find her still out cold, along with the others. He struggled against his bounds even more, hating the feeling of being so powerless. Of being forced to watch this chaos transpire.

Izumo forced herself up, stumbling a bit before trying to break out into a run again but was stopped short by the spit that now held her feet hostage. Panic flooded through her—she tried to free herself but found it futile to do so. The beast was charging at her and her ruby eyes were wide, her entire being frozen by fear, her thoughts screaming at her—

' _What should I do?!'_

" _KAMAKI!_ "

In the blink of an eye, Izumo found herself staring at something white. ' _What? White?_ _What is…'_ However, that white was quickly becoming dyed with red.

A horrified gasp left the small female and her hands flew up to cover her mouth.

Standing before her, stock still, was Rin.

In the jaws of the demon.

 **Bleeding**.

At the last second, before the demon could even touch her, Rin had bolted over towards Izumo and shielded her, letting the jaws on the demon snap shut around his midsection with a sickening _crunch_ noise. Pain exploded almost instantly and Rin was breathless, going completely still from the shock of it; his blue irises shrunken as his eyes shot wide. His hands had gripped onto the demon's jaw on either side of him, his arms shaking terribly and fingers holding tightly.

' _Oh…my…god.'_ The sheer agony that Rin felt was excruciatingly overwhelming; he felt his powers trying to heal him but he had yet to free himself. His lower ribs were crushed as well as his spine and his insides felt like they were punctured and shredded to pieces. Anything from the waist down felt almost completely numb. A sudden contraction in his stomach hit him so violently that Rin had no time to prepare; warm, thick fluid rising up his throat before he found himself gagging. Blood splattered onto the demon out in front of Rin.

Ryuji watched everything with wide eyes, his voice lost in his throat the moment he saw Rin get bitten.

Izumo watched as Rin coughed up blood before letting out a small sound of pain.

"Get off." Rin growled, his voice straining. He looked down and directly into the eye of the demon, he glared fiercely, red tinting his pupil.

" _I said, get the hell off of me_."

The Hirrus sensed an overwhelming power arise and felt fear pierce through him deeply. It opened its mouth and released the Exwire, backing up slightly before laying down. Rin didn't move for a few moments and both of his classmates waited, staring at the blood flowing from the open wounds and soaking his uniform.

"Are you okay?"

Rin's quiet voice startled Izumo out of her shock, watching as Rin turned slightly in her direction, a tired blue eye looking at her intently. She was at lost for words, only managing a nod in reply. "Good…" Rin gasped before falling to his knees, his arms going out forward to stop himself from falling further and propping him up on his hands. Tremors wracked through Rin's body as he gasped out, feeling his insides shift and move, steadily regenerating.

Shit, this hurt.

"Okumura!"

Rin could've sworn that he heard his name called out in harmony but was unsure do to how foggy his mind was at the moment. Footsteps were suddenly heard, their pace quick.

"What the hell!?"

' _Ugh.'_ Rin thought as he recognized that voice. He soon felt firm, strong hands grip onto his biceps in a steady hold as Shura looked him over.

God, there was so much blood.

"What happened? Hey! Are you listening?! _Rin_."

Rin groaned in reply and lifted his head to look into frantic rose colored eyes. "I'll be fine." He murmured out hoarsely which caused Shura to stare incredulously, "Just take care of the others. Suguro's stuck and so is Kamiki. Konekomaru, Shima, and Shiemi were all knocked out but both Shiemi and Konekomaru are injured. I'm not sure about Shima. _They_ need your help."

Shura stared at the young teen before closing her eyes, "Damn you…." She whispered out roughly, then opened her eyes as she stood before summoning her sword. She slashed at Izumo's feet and the spit confining her shattered. The small girl stepped away from the remains and tossed a worried glance at the boy still on the ground near her. However, her attention was dragged away from him by Shura as she barked the order, "Get the medical crew here stat."

Izumo nodded and bolted off to the exit, Shura quickly moving to Ryuji before freeing him as well. Shura ordered him to Renzou and Miwa and he dashed over to his friends as she went over to Shiemi and picked her up in her arms.

Rin could hear the sounds all around him begin to blur together and he knew something was wrong. It seemed that the trauma inflicted upon him wasn't healing.

 _No_.

It _was_ healing but very, _very_ slowly.

"Damn it." He whispered as his arms caved in from under him and he fell onto his side, feeling a hot burning pain shoot through him and he let out a choked scream. It fell on deaf ears as the medical team rushed in and Rin could feel his vision begin to blur as noises faded into a muffled sound. Everything tilted in all directions and Rin could feel breathing become difficult as he struggled with each breath through the searing pain that just did not want to stop. His blue eyes grew dull, vision blacking out until they eventually slid shut as he slipped into the welcomed world of darkness.

 ***.*.***

His eyelids were heavy as blue irises peeked through; though they slid shut again as the bright light overhead and the pungent smell of anti-bacterial assaulted his senses.

"Hey, wake up."

His eyes cracked opened once more as a quiet groan slipped from his throat. Disoriented and confused, Rin moved to sit up a bit in the bed he was in and lifted a heavy hand to his throbbing head.

"You okay?"

Rin looked over to his left, finding his busty trainer sitting backwards in a chair, staring at him with serious eyes. Rin noticed the medical bandage on her cheek and another small piece above one of her brows but didn't comment on them.

Rin remained quiet for a few moments as he rubbed his hand through his hair and croaked out a quiet response, "I'm alright."

"I heard what you did." Shura started as she reached over to the chair next to her and grabbed a bottle of water before handing it to Rin. "That was really brash of you."

"I didn't know what else to do." Rin replied honestly, "She was going to get killed if I didn't do something quickly."

"But _you_ got hurt instead." Shura pointed out, "The Hirrus is a demon that has a bite that can kill not only humans but other _demons_ as well."

"What?"

"When a demon is bitten, it releases a venom that renders their regeneration ability useless. You were lucky as hell to have regenerative abilities as strong as you do because if you didn't we wouldn't have noticed in time that you weren't healing properly. You nearly died back there Rin because you did something so reckless." She confessed softly. Rin was quiet as he took in the information given. He squeezed the bottle in his hands, fingering interlocking and thumbs crushing the plastic steadily. His eyes glossing over a bit as he bowed his head. "That's an issue?" He whispered. The words left his lips before he realized it and he tensed once he did.

Shura's eyes practically bugged out of her head, flabbergasted by the mere suggestion. "Of course you idiot!" She exclaimed heatedly. Rin remained quiet and Shura closed her eyes momentarily whilst letting out a soft sigh, "Rin…"

"What happened after I collapsed?" Rin questioned curtly. Shura blinked, taken aback by the abrupt change as well as his tone, but responded nonetheless, "The other Exwire's were taken to be treated." She explained.

"I see." Rin mused softly, "Are they alright?"

"Konekomaru and Moriyama both have minor concussions and Shima had a dislocated shoulder. They'll be fine. You took the worst hit out of everyone."

"Mind giving me a recap?" Rin looked over at her as he asked. Shura shook her head, her two toned colored bangs dancing about in her face as she did so, while a grimace formed upon her lips. "You were completely unresponsive." She started, "Heavy bleeding and loss of limb functions due to nerve damage. We had to clear the venom out of your system as quickly as we could and Mephisto came to your rescue. He removed it; it took an hour but you were able to heal yourself. But despite all that, you still didn't wake up. The medics said it was due to the trauma you faced and your body was coping. Mentally and physically."

Rin's brows furrowed, "How long have I been here?"

"Almost a day now." Shura replied.

"Time?"

"Noon."

"Ah." Rin let out, "So I've been here all night." Shura nodded.

Rin sat up, "Well I'm all healed up and awake so I'm ready to leave." Shura got up from the chair and stretched, "I'm gonna let them know so they can release you." She turned and walked to the door but Rin saw her pause for just a moment before she stepped through the doorway and disappeared. He pulled the blankets back and placed his feet on the floor before standing. Despite being unconscious for the night, Rin felt far from rested. He did a couple stretches to test himself—he found everything to feel pretty normal and he let out a sigh as he cupped his hands behind his head. _Noon, huh?_

That meant that school was going to end soon.

Rin closed his eyes as he thought back to the incident, remembering the feeling of his body being crushed caused a shiver to shoot through him.

"God that hurt." He muttered as he shook himself. Rin sat on the bed and waited for Shura to come back. When the woman finally did return, she announced his leaving and the teen was more than happy to do so. He headed to his dorm and showered, feeling refreshed as he entered his room with a towel around his waist. Kuro greeted him happily, having heard what happened to his master and was relieved to see him on his feet. Rin pet the demon then got dressed in a pair of black sweats and a matching colored long-sleeved shirt. After pulling on his runners Rin left the room to go find something to eat. As he walked to the kitchen, Rin was lost in his thoughts. Most of them consisting of stuff from the day before such as his actions. Directing his eyes downward, Rin frowned. To be honest, Rin didn't know how to feel. He had been so close to death without even knowing it and the thought didn't really bother him.

' _I mean,'_ Rin thought, ' _wouldn't it be better if I just died?'_

Everyone would benefit—it seemed like such an easy solution. One that he could never really consider because of his healing powers but now it was like that didn't matter anymore.

Rin didn't stop walking as he felt the tears come; he also did nothing to stop them from falling. The heavy ache in his chest wouldn't seize even if he did. He was sick of feeling this way, sick of _thinking_ this way.

A quiet sob slipped past his lips. His arms folded over his chest and his fingers dug into his ribs. Tremors slowly conquered his body as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying (and failing) to keep it together. ' _What's the_ _ **point**_ _?'_ He thought, ' _What's the freaking point anymore?'_

He could feel himself crumble, his resolve finally falling. No amount of optimism could be summoned right now as the teen cried.

Why did everything seem to be falling apart? Why couldn't he do anything to stop it? Did he even _want_ to try and stop it anymore? God he was so tired of all this disappointment, of all this pain, of all this freaking _bullshit_. Why was he even still _here_?

" _You have two options remaining to you."_

Rin's hands slid into his hair, gripping tightly at it as he heard Mephisto's voice in his head.

" _Allow yourself to be killed by us…"_

' _Shut up.'_ Rin pleaded weakly, his own thought barely heard by himself. His heart was drumming in his ears, erratic and panicked.

" _There's also the option of suicide. Which will it be?"_

' _SHUT UP!'_

Rin slowed down, his pace stopping once he walked into a wall. The young teen leaned against it as he pulled at his hair, his breathing harsh and uneven through his crying. Why wouldn't the voices just shut up?! He didn't want to think anymore! He didn't want to hear anyone anymore!

"Shut…up!" Rin choked out as he slid down the wall, his legs losing their strength, and he sat on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest and buried his head in them, curling into himself. He held onto his dark strands, tugging relentlessly, his body outright shaking now as he reached his limit. The boy sat there, crying and gasping, his head pounding and feeling as if he was losing his sanity.

He didn't know what to do anymore.

 ***.*.***

"Okumura?"

Izumo squinted as she spotted the figure huddled against the wall on the hallway floor. Hearing that Rin had been released, she had come to Rin's dorm to find him and thank him properly for saving her life. However, when she got to the room she hadn't seen the boy. So she left to go see if he was still in the building, opting to go look in the kitchen for her first choice. But about ten minutes into her walk on her way there, she found him sitting in the middle of the hallway.

Izumo frowned when Rin failed to respond to her and as she walked closer, she took notice of his distressed state as she heard the sobs. Shock steeled her in place for a moment as her face contorted into surprised worry, "What the…?"

The small girl found herself walking over to him, kneeling at distance and reaching a hand to touch his shoulder. "Okumura?" She called out hesitantly, but she failed to receive any indication that he heard her. She gave his shoulder a firm shake. "Okumura? _Okumura_? Hey, listen!"

 _How long had he been like this?_

" _Okumura_!"

Rin was startled into awareness by the shaking of his shoulder, accompanied by the calling of his name. His head shot up and he found himself staring into red colored irises. His own eyes widened dramatically as he sucked in a breath of surprise.

Izumo was shocked into silence once she caught sight Rin; his skin was blotchy and flushed, his face was glistening from the tears and his eyes were bloodshot. Quick puffs of air left through his parted lips. Neither of them said a word, both frozen into silence for a few moments, just taking in one another. Eventually the silence was broken once Izumo tentatively called out him, "Okumura?"

Rin blinked, taken aback by her tone. Lifting a hand up, he rubbed at his face to clear the mess of tears. "Sorry." He replied hoarsely, "Sorry. You shouldn't have seen me like this."

"Okumura, you're _crying_." From the whole time she had known Rin, Izumo could honestly say that she had never seen Rin cry nor had she ever thought that she would. He was usually bouncing about and like a happy puppy. Sometimes he was a little down here and there but he usually reverted back to his normal self. She's seen him upset and pissed off but never even close to the sniveling, shaking, crying mess in front of her right now. He looked _awful_.

Rin fought for words, unable to come up with any as he stared into her ruby eyes. Eventually, he just closed his mouth without anything more than some quiet incoherent noises leaving it. Izumo stared at him, taking in his overall appearance with her thoughts racing. The main one being repeated over and over, until she voiced it,

"What's wrong?" She inquired.

Rin was quiet, his arms crossing and holding each other. His blue eyes fell down, messy bangs shrouding them as his head bowed, failing to speak yet again.

Izumo watched the boy sitting before her, a starting bulb of sympathy blooming inside her. ' _He seems so…_ _ **sad**_ _.'_ She thought.

"I…I can't…" Her small brows rose slightly at his response. She listened as his voice began cracking lightly in areas, "I _can't_ do this. Everything just…I can't keep doing this…"

His words troubled her. "Doing _what_?" She questioned, her voice hesitant and confused.

"Staying optimistic. It's become too much. Why do I keep screwing up?" Rin whispered.

Izumo gazed at him silently for a few moments, then exhaling silently before moving to sit next to him on the floor. Rin looked up at her in confusion. Yet Izumo only folded her legs under her and leaned against the wall; she sat next to him silently for a while. While she chose to keep her gaze forward, Rin stared at her with blatant bemusement, trying to figure out why she sitting there—sitting next to _him_. The Exwire soon found himself steadily growing anxious as the silence stretched on.

 _'Come on, say something!'_

"Fools."

Rin flinched in startle but quickly processed her words and furrowed his brows in surprise and perplex. He stared at her features and upon closer inspection, he saw her expression had turned sour—a glare shooting daggers at whatever she seemed to be staring at. Rin looked to see where but just found nothing more than a wall across from them.

"Fools."

He blinked as Izumo repeated herself. He watched as she lowered her gaze while muttering, "They're all fools."

Rin remained silent. He didn't know how to refute. He didn't know what she meant. But he found himself wanting to know. He watched as Izumo gave her head a small shake, "Nothing's changed and yet so much did at the same time." Rin's brows furrowed slightly, "Huh? What…what do you mean?"

"I didn't think they'd spout such pretty words only to immediately go back on them. They're nothing but fools, nothing but _cowards_ —the only thing that's change is that we know now. _You_ , yourself haven't changed one bit."

Catching on, blue eyes widened before quickly lowering as a familiar ache settled deep within and Rin rested his head against the wall behind him. "Yeah, okay. Tell that to everyone else."

"I shouldn't have to. It's ridiculous for people to be scared of you to be honest." Izumo said with a quiet scoff. Rin's brows furrowed, "I'm a spawn from hell. I'm dangerous."

Izumo snorted at the absurdity of his words. "Now _that's_ just ridiculous. You are far from being dangerous and it's not like there aren't tons of other people related to demons by blood."

Rin's eyes widened in shock once he heard those words, his head whipping to the side as he stared at her. "R-Really?" It sounded too good to be true. There were more people like…him?

"Well yeah," The female replied as she looked over at him, "it's common knowledge. In fact, there are many of them who are Exorcists." Rin sputtered for a moment, taken aback, but soon after did he close his eyes with a withered sigh. He leaned back against the wall as the ache in his chest grew a little. His hands curled into fists and his nails pinched into his palms. His blue eyes were once more hidden by his dark hair as he lowered his head. "Yeah but there's one little detail you're forgetting: I'm the son of Satan. Apparently being in relation to demons isn't so important but being in relation to the king of demons is. I'm not the average person _or_ demon." Rin felt his throat tighten as he choked out, "I'm a monster."

Izumo's ruby colored irises shrunk as her eyes widened once she heard those words pass Rin's lips, shock freezing her into immobility momentarily. "A mon—you're not—is that what you really think?" She sputtered. Rin didn't answer and she watched a tear suddenly slide down his face before being followed another, and another; dripping off of his chin in silent trails. Izumo's gaze turned sullen as she watched Rin cry. She could only endure that for mere seconds before Izumo couldn't take it anymore.

"You're not bad Okumura." Izumo spoke, her voice clear and audible. Rin opened his eyes and turned his head, only to find her staring back as their gaze locked, "I'm not afraid of you." She whispered and Rin's eyes widened. "You're not evil. You're not a monster." She continued. "You may think you're so bad but you're really not." A subtle softness entered her eyes,

"You saved my life yesterday."

Rin's breathing evened out, tears slowing down as he listened to the Exwire speak.

"Thank you." Izumo spoke, "I came to find you and thank you. Even while you were heavily injured…" She receive a flashback of Rin asking her, bleeding and barely standing, if she was alright. "…you made sure that _I_ was okay. You nearly died yourself for saving me. For doing something like that, how can I possibly think of you as an evil being? As a monster?"

Rin stared at her with wide eyes, a look of startle covering his features whilst astonishment rendered speechless. It was moments after that he felt a tugging warmth in his chest, gratitude blooming inside and a small smile cracked on his face. "Thank you, Izumo."

She blinked in surprise, flushing slightly at the use of her first name. "Hey! D-Don't just address me so casually!" Rin's gaze softened a bit in response yet the smile remained which in turn caused Izumo to become a shade a tad darker. She looked down and around for a minute, "Yeah well—you're welcome!" She huffed in embarrassment. The smile grew slightly, Rin leaning down and resting his head on her shoulder. "Really, thanks…" He murmured.

Izumo stared at him, smiling slightly before frowning, "I can't speak for the others…but just give it time Okumura. There are reasons, I'm sure." She spoke quietly. Rin didn't move from his spot and he hummed lightly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. May those reasons be good or bad or whatever, I'll try to handle it."

"Good." Izumo responded. "No one can blame you for not being able to, though. You're human too."

The smile grew larger, teeth peeking as it became a grin. He nodded into her shoulder.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

 _Welp. That's the end. This was a bit difficult to write. I haven't been writing anything for MONTHS and I became sloppy. This took some months to complete because I kept putting it off but then I picked it up again and started finishing it and now it's finally done. *sighs in relief* Great._

 _Anyway, now for some notes on the story. This is a one-shot but I can make it into multi-chapter story if people request for it. I know it's cliché for people to right about Rin becoming depressed during the Camping Trip Arc but I wanted to try something a little different. Most people end up writing Rin out of character anyway and I really wanted to try keeping that as close as I could. I also used multiple references from the anime/manga to help me shape this. While doing so, I noticed that Rin chose to stay optimistic when things got rough but later on in the story we got to see his actual inner thoughts as he broke down. So that's how I see Rin handling stress; he stays optimistic until his limit is breached before he snaps and breaks down. Thus, explaining my choice for the title. Alright, that's all._

 _Peace, Love, Ecstasy,_

 _~Ro Noble_


	2. Part 2

©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUE KATO!

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWO**

His limbs felt heavy and there was a dull ache in his head. To say that Rin didn't want to get up was an understatement. A quiet groan rumbled in his throat, coated with exhaustion, as he rolled over onto his back.

 _ **(Morning Rin!)**_

Rin opened his eyes partly, his bleary gaze falling upon the small familiar that had crawled onto his chest, staring at him with bright eyes. A barely-there-smile formed on Rin's face as he lifted a heavy hand to pet the feline demon's head, moving his fingers to gently scratch at the base behind one of its ears.

"Morning Kuro…" The teen murmured, his voice raspy and thick with sleep. Kuro rubbed against Rin's palm as he produced a noise of content. Rin stared at the tiny companion, watching it nuzzle his hand. Sleep threatened to pull him back into its waiting arms, beckoning him gently. His movements slowing as his head grew fuzzy.

As result from everything that happened during the week, Rin felt the aftereffects hitting him like a tidal wave. A really _heavy_ tidal wave. As he became more aware, the events of the day before flooded through his memory: the demon…waking up in the medical unit…breaking down in the hall…and—

His eyes widened as he recalled the conversation with Izumo.

" _You're not bad Okumura."_

" _You're not evil. You're not a monster."_

" _I'm not afraid of you."_

The blood rushed to his face before he even realized it and he laid there for a moment in utter surprise. Then a sudden, familiar happiness bloomed within his chest and was followed by a tugging urge to cry. Instead, a quiet snicker left Rin as he closed his eyes in fluster. He still can't believe that really happened.

 _ **(You okay?)**_

He received the telepathic question along with mild concern floating through the mind link and Rin trailed his fingers down Kuro's back, feeling out his small spine and stopping at the base on his twin tails.

"Mm-hm." The teen replied gently, "I'm just thinkin' about yesterday."

After the talk with Izumo, Rin was exhausted. She had walked him back to his room before bidding him goodbye. Rin had been greeted by Kuro. The familiar had provided the needed comfort, keeping him company as the teen grew lost in his thoughts for the remainder of the night before drifting into a dreamless sleep. Which was something he hadn't had in quite a while. Finally some of his anxiety was eased. Definitely not all of it. But it was a start.

In fact, it had rekindled his previously dwindled optimism. He was going to try reaching out to the others again. He was going to try mending his relationships once more. He was going to try.

Just not today.

A silent exhale left through his nostrils at the thought, feeling Kuro curl up on his chest. Rin closed his eyes once more as fatigue overtook him. He was certainly not getting up today. He had a very, _very_ stressful week and needed time to recuperate. One day wouldn't hurt right? Plus, it's not like anybody came to the abandoned boy's dormitory anyhow. The only ones allowed here were Yukio and himself. But Rin was alone for the time being due to Yukio being sent on a mission three days prior.

' _I wonder how he's doing…'_ Rin thought before letting out a quiet snort, ' _Probably kicking ass like usual. Always calling Yukio for these important missions…'_ Rin's blue eyes shot open as he suddenly had a thought,

' _Has he heard of what happened?'_

Kuro's ear twitched as he suddenly sat up, his yellow eyes scoping about the room. Rin stared at him questioningly for a moment before he was startled by the sound of the room door slamming open. Rin immediately sat up and jumped to his feet, grabbing for his sword next to his bed. Kuro fell onto the mattress and Rin stood in front of him, ready to protect and defend.

"Rin!"

"Yukio?" Rin blinked, stupefied by the presence of his twin. At the realization that there was no threat, the adrenaline that was pumping through him at that moment dissipated. The dull ache in his head was now pounding in protest from the sudden movement and Rin winced, crumbling down onto his knees. His muscles felt like they were on fire as they burned with strain and Rin shifted most of his weight onto Kurikara, to keep from falling onto his face.

"Rin!"

Yukio's alarmed exclamation pulled Rin to his senses. He soon felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, finding blue eyes staring at him in distress. Rin managed a weary smile in response. "S'okay Yukio, I'm fine. Just tired." He reassured gently. Bracing himself, Rin pushed himself to his feet with Yukio rising with him, the wary look never leaving the Exorcist's face.

A grimace flittered over Rin's features, the sore feeling in his torso catching him off guard momentarily as he straightened up. He placed the sword back in its place before Rin sat on the edge of the bed, with his elbows propped on his knees. Kuro rubbed up against his back and side then crawled under his arm before deciding to rest against his right thigh. Rin glanced down fondly at the action.

"Rin…"

"You've said my name three times now." Rin remarked listlessly. The aching was starting to get to him. "Something on your mind?"

Yukio met Rin's eyes as he looked up. "You look awful." The Exorcist spoke before he could stop himself. His older brother's appearance was haggard: his hair was messy, sticking out at odd angles, and dark circles surrounded his light eyes. His face looked alert but Yukio could see the underlying fatigue with it.

"I _feel_ awful." Rin admitted with a loose grin, scratching under his chin. He then eased himself back against the bed, lying down then passing Yukio a look as he patted the space next to him. Yukio sat down and stared at Rin with an observing gaze. The Exwire let out a drawn out yawn, tears gathering in his eyes from the action. He rubbed them away before looking down, watching as Kuro crawled over to his side, curling up.

"Did you just wake up?" Yukio questioned.

"Yeah." Rin replied, "What time is it?" He added, looking up and meeting the eyes already on him.

"It's after nine in the morning." The other explained, "You slept in."

" _Joy_." Rin snorted sarcastically, "Not like I was going out anyway."

"I normally wouldn't say this, but I'm glad." Yukio muttered, earning the reaction of Rin's brows rising in mute surprise. "I heard from Shura what happened to you." He continued, solemnly. He watched as Rin's expression turned somber, his right hand moving to lay over his abdomen.

"I finished my mission late last night and when I got back here this morning, I was summoned by Sir Pheles soon after for my report and Shura was waiting outside. She told me that you might take it easy for a while. I asked her why and she said you nearly got killed." Two pairs of blue eyes met one another.

"I questioned further, asking just what the hell was she talking about. She begins telling me that your class had a training session with a demon. She told me how you weren't to participate. How she left you in charge after leaving the room, and how she came back to find the room in chaos and the Exwires hurt, with you bleeding to death on the floor." Rin winced at the cold tone Yukio's voice had developed but he continued to hold the apathetic gaze of aqua colored irises.

"So I asked another question—what does she mean by bleeding to death? I know you can heal so it didn't make sense. She then tells me the type of demon you guys were training with: a Hirrus. I know what a Hirrus's ability is."

Rin could see Yukio's mouth set into a frown, the skin between his brows forming wrinkles as they pinched together.

"So tell me Rin, just what the **hell** happened."

The older twin's facial expression twisted into a look of guilt. Yukio had just gotten back from his mission; he was probably stressed out already and then now he comes back, only to hear about what Rin had managed to get himself into. He couldn't even catch a break yet.

"You pretty much have all the info," Rin spoke quietly as he sat up, Kuro glancing at him at the action. "We were training and Shura left me in charge. The demon went wild and hurt the others."

"Yes but," Yukio started, "Why didn't you use your flames?"

Hands curling into fists, Rin stared at the floor blankly, "Excuse me?"

"When Shura had questioned the other Exwires, she was told by Suguro and Kamiki that you didn't summon your flames. No sword or anything. You just dove head first into it without any protection."

"It wasn't about _me_ Yukio, I was doing it to protect _them_." Rin gritted out, sending an irritated look at the other boy.

"That's the problem!" Yukio snapped. "Why would you carelessly do something so reckless? You weren't even thinking about yourself, you weren't even thinking of the possibility that you getting hurt instead would've put them in even more danger! How would you have been able to protect them if the demon didn't stop attacking you? You would've just kept letting it happen!? Your regenerating abilities would've been useless and you would've been down before anyone even realized what had happen to you!"

"If I had known that the demon could disrupt my healing powers I would've been more careful!" Rin growled, his blue eyes glaring into Yukio's.

"Is that so?" The Exorcist asked, his voice clipped. "You're telling me you still wouldn't have thrown yourself in danger?"

" _Of course n_ -" Rin stopped, the words drying up in his throat. He couldn't say it. He just couldn't. He knew damn well that he'd be lying if he did.

Ryuji had gotten on him for doing exactly that: throwing himself in the danger, taking it all on by himself. The memory of him being scolded by the older Exwire made his heart ache due to the events that happened after.

There was the probability of him being more careful of the demon but he still would've fought it. He still would've tried to protect the others. Even if they were afraid of him, or angry at him, or _hated_ him. Even if they didn't see him as a friend. He still would've done it because he cared about them.

A frustrated noise left Rin's throat, a cross between a growl and whine, as he looked away from Yukio. His jaw ached from gritting his teeth so hard. His eyes itched and his nose burned all of a sudden. The constricting pain in his chest from yesterday was steadily returning.

"Shut up Yukio." Rin ordered, though his voice was shaking lightly. One hand rested over his stomach as Rin curled in on himself, twisting his shirt in his grip as the other hand clenched the fabric of the sheets. "Just _shut_ _up_."

The room grew silent after the request was said and the tension felt thick as it hung in the air. Rin tried to get his feelings under control, his doubts and anger and worries were swirling around inside and his head was beginning to feel cloudy. The tears in his eyes refused to leave and Rin felt one roll down his cheek, dripping off his jaw and hitting the blanket, a dark spot forming, before another landed.

A shaky exhale left Rin as he lifted a hand to wipe his eyes. He looked up at Yukio to find his twin's face staring in shock. It was a moment later that pained sort of understanding look appeared in his aqua colored eyes as they stared at Rin, whom now felt exposed.

Yukio didn't see Rin cry often. Rin wouldn't allow it. He never liked Yukio seeing him hurting, whether it be physical or emotional.

Rin's worn blue gaze was concealed as his eyes shut momentarily, a small breath leaving his lips.

"Of course I would."

Yukio eyes held a look of resigned sadness. Like he already knew that would be the answer. Which was most likely the case. "I know."

"I wasn't thinking Yukio." Rin started, turning his body to face Yukio fully. Kuro crawled into his lap, nuzzling his stomach. Rin wrapped an arm around the small familiar. "It all happened so quickly and before I knew it I was standing in front of Izumo. I couldn't prevent the others from getting hurt but I wasn't going to sit still and watch her get killed. I used my body as a shield because I can't die." His eyes fluttered at the last few words.

"I thought it was okay because _I can't_ _die_. But I didn't know the demon could stop another demon's healing powers."

"Shura kept you out because she didn't want you to take the risk." Yukio interjected. "Even if you had known, it wouldn't have stopped you from getting hurt either way. Perhaps the damage would've have been significantly lessened though."

"But any wound I would have gotten fighting it, probably would've just built up until I collapsed." Rin continued before he let out a noisy breath of vexation. "I didn't have time to think! I'm talking _seconds_ Yukio! Seconds! Damn it, if I had just reacted a little faster I could have prevented any of them from getting hurt!"

"Seconds…" The bespectacled boy murmured, "What was happening before the demon attacked?"

Rin blinked, "Huh? Oh, they had everything under control. They were doing great. But it just flipped its lid all of a sudden…"

"…and in seconds, it had created such a havoc." Yukio said quietly, calculating in tone.

"What are you thinking?" Rin questioned as he looked over his twin.

"Why didn't you use your flames Rin?" Yukio answered, "You haven't hesitated on using them before so why?"

Rin went silent, his eyes looking down. Yukio had a hunch as to the reason why but he wasn't sure of it.

"Rin?"

"I…I…" Rin stuttered, his anxiety rising as he fumbled for an answer. He desperately tried to get his nerves under control. "I…"

"Does it, by any chance, have something to do with the camping trip?" Yukio asked, watching as Rin's brows furrowed. _'Bingo_. _'_

"Assuming that it does," Yukio continued, "it would make sense that you're hesitant to use them. Especially after the whole Amaimon fiasco. Before I left, I did realize that your relationships with the other Exwires had taken quite a nose dive." A flashback of him telling his students of Rin's history after Rin was taken by Angel to the Grigori appeared in his mind. From the days following after, he noticed the strained tension between them. "I also realize how much that upsets you."

Rin looked at him with a look that Yukio had never seen on him. A look of despair, of regret, of sadness.

"I realize how hard it is that you are trying to get your flames under control. How hard you're trying to reconcile with them. After all," Yukio dug deeper, watching his older brother's control steadily chip apart. "they **are** your first friends."

"I don't know what to do Yukio." The words tumbled out of Rin's mouth before he could stop himself. His hands were shaking in his lap, holding Kuro for security and comfort.

"I'm trying. I really am! But how much of this is actually just worthless bullshit and how much will actually make a difference?" The desperation in his voice pulled on Yukio's heart strings. He was aware of his brother's destructive nature and how he could never properly interact with others as they grew up. His terrible temper and abnormal strength was the fault most of the time.

After their father's death, it was like Rin had been blindly searching for something to hang onto. Everything he had known had all changed in the blink of an eye. Including Yukio, himself. Someone he thought would never change on him.

So when Rin finally manage to make some friends, he was beside himself with excitement. He didn't know how to act because of his awkward social skills but he really wanted to try his best.

Then the night of the camping trip had thrown it all in reverse. Rin just wanted to protect his friends and family but he ended up driving them away. Yukio was even colder and the others wouldn't acknowledge his existence half the time. He caused trouble for everyone. Again.

The heavy amount of melancholy that Rin was releasing caused Kuro to twitch in surprise. He had felt the same sadness from his master two days prior but much worse. It had been disgustingly thick and suffocating—dreary and full of despondency and dejection. It was heartbreaking as much as it was worrying. He hadn't known what to do to stop it. He never wanted Rin to ever feel like that again. Kuro stood on his hind legs, leaning his front paws onto Rin's chest.

 _ **(Rin?)**_ The telepathic call made Rin look down into the demon's bright eyes. He could feel the bouts of concern and apprehension traveling through the mind link.

"I'm okay…" Rin whispered hoarsely, rubbing Kuro's head and dragging his hand through the soft black fur down Kuro's spine. Yet Kuro still remained uneasy.

 _ **(I don't want you to be upset. You're beginning to feel like you did a couple days ago. You were so sad. Please Rin…)**_

Kuro rubbed against Rin's hands and arms, his twin tails gently coiling around his right wrist as he settled on his back, staring up at Rin from his lap. He took Rin's left hand in his paws and pulled it to rest under his small chin, all the while sending worry and comfort through the mind link.

 _ **(Please don't be sad.)**_

Rin stared at Kuro in surprise before a small smile of appreciation came across his face. "I'll be alright, Kuro." He murmured gently, moving his left hand from the tiny paws and rubbing the small feline-like demon's head, "Don't worry."

Yukio watched the exchange silently. He often saw Rin talking to the familiar as well as the familiar worrying over Rin so this wasn't anything new. However, he saw how down Rin had become from their conversation so he was grateful to Kuro's actions because Yukio wasn't sure how to comfort Rin himself. It was never something he had to do because usually their father was the one who took care of it. He had never seen his brother so vulnerable to his emotions than he had in the last month.

"I know you're trying Rin." Yukio spoke. "I know. But…I don't know how much your efforts will actually pay off. You all had good chemistry so it doesn't seem likely that all of it would have been lost over something like this. They need some time Rin. Finding out that someone you care about isn't who you thought they were, is quite a shock to take in. Especially depending on how big of shock it was in the first place."

Rin's eyes grew wide as he took in Yukio's words. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Yukio stared curiously, watching his brother fish for words as his expression began to change.

"Yeah…I…" Rin stumbled over his words, the gears in his head turning and the thoughts swimming around left him speechless. "I get what you mean." He swallowed, "Yeah totally."

Yukio raised a brow in bemusement. He opened his mouth but before any words could get out, a quiet beeping interrupted him. He lifted his left arm, pushing the sleeve back slightly as he looked at his watch: the source of the beeping.

With a click, Yukio switched off the alarm with a muttered swear. Rin snapped out of his stupor at the sound and watched as Yukio stood from the bed. "Something wrong?" He asked.

"I've got to teach a class soon." Yukio replied distractedly as he adjusted his coat and went over to the desk. He began assorting through some papers and a manila folder sitting atop of his briefcase. _'That wasn't there before.'_ Rin mused as he watched Yukio gather some things together.

"You have to go teach already? But you just got back. You don't get any time to rest." Rin commented, staring at Yukio with a troubled expression.

"The life of responsibility Rin." Yukio remarked offhandedly as he close his briefcase. "Besides it's alright. I needed to talk to you, I just wish I had timed it all better."

"If you say so." Rin replied, covering a yawn. "Will you be in early? You should really get some rest."

"I don't know. Eat without me if I don't make it." Yukio slipped on his shoes and walked over to the door, briefcase in hand. As he pulled the door open, he paused. "Rin?" Yukio looked back and found Rin sitting on the bed, cross-legged with Kuro in his lap, staring at him questioning eyes.

"Yeah?"

Sighing lightly, Yukio spoke. "Be more careful okay?"

Rin blinked, before nodding slightly. "I will. See you later."

"See you." On that note, Yukio left the room. Rin watched him disappear and the door close slowly behind him until it clicked shut.

Rin exhaled gently, before looking down at Kuro. "I think I'm gonna catch some more z's. You in?"

 _ **(Okay~)**_

Kuro moved off from Rin's lap and Rin crawled under his sheets, lying on his back with his arms tucked behind his head. Kuro moved onto his chest before curling up and the Exwire lifted a hand to rest on his back, scratching it absentmindedly as his mind backtracked to Yukio's earlier words.

' _ **Finding out that someone you care about…'**_

" _But that's…how the hell...why didn't you tell me?!"_

" _I wanted to raise you as a human. As long as you remained a human that is."_

'… _ **isn't who you thought they were…'**_

" _I became an Exorcist two years ago. My training began when I was 7 years old. As I received a Mashou from you on the day I was born, I have been able to see demons for as long as I can remember."_

'… _ **is quite a shock to take in.'**_

' _Hell yeah it is._ ' He thought. Closing his eyes, he now finally understood how the other Exwires must have felt.

They really did need time. Even if they never came to grips with it, or if they did and never wanted to associate with Rin, he could understand that now. But he was going to prove to them that he wasn't dangerous. How could they possibly work as a team if they were afraid of him? Simple: they couldn't. He was going to keep training. He was going to keep working hard to control his flames and would show the others that they have nothing to fear of him. Because he would never hurt them.

A flashback of him hitting Ryuji came to mind.

Well, he wouldn't hurt them with any _malicious_ intent anyway.

For some time, his thoughts continued to float through his mind, before slowly disappearing one by one as the hands of sleep grabbed hold of him and darkness welcomed him in its embrace.

 ***.*.***

Rin awoke again some time later. He felt lethargic but his body was unable to go back to sleep. A yawn escaped Rin as he pushed himself up into sitting position, wiping the tears that came with it.

Crap, he needed to pee.

With a groan of annoyance, Rin slipped out of bed, taking note that Kuro wasn't anywhere to be seen.

' _Did I smother him in my sleep?'_ The sleepy thought passed through his head as Rin grabbed a pair of sweatpants and slipped them on. He felt hot and sticky and took off his t-shirt only to replace it with another one. God, he needed a shower too.

Muscles achy and head fuzzy, Rin left the dorm room and walked down the hall, cursing the bathrooms for being so far away. As he walked down the dank hall Rin became more aware; shivers shot up his spine as he felt the chilly air of the dormitory.

"Why the hell is it so cold?" Rin muttered as he rubbed his arms. He quickly made his way to the bathroom, nearly drowning in relief when he had manage to relieve himself. After washing his hands, Rin got a look at his reflection for the first time in a couple days.

He cringed.

So this is what Yukio had meant when he said 'awful' then? He touched one of his dark circles, wondering when they had gotten so bad. The blew a breath as he pushed his bangs back, only for them to fall in his face once more.

Maybe he really should take it easy?

Rin turned away from the mirror and left the bathroom. As he walked back to his room, he remembered the words Yukio spoke earlier. "Finding out that someone you care about isn't who you thought they were is a shock…" He murmured softly, "Finding out something like you having Satan's son in your school, let alone in your class, is definitely a shock." He never thought of it that way. Well he _did_ but he never really thought hard about it. But now he could guess how the Exwires felt. Because he knew how it felt to find out that things weren't what they seemed to be.

' _Father…Yukio…'_ Their faces flashed in his mind and he let out a small sigh.

As Rin approached his dorm room, he tried to settle his thoughts. However, the sight of a familiar uniform made him stop. He stared dumbfounded at the blond girl staring at his room door, her hand raised to knock before faltering. As if she couldn't decide on whether or not to knock. After enduring this for mere moments, Rin spoke: his voice laced heavy with confusion.

" _Shiemi?_ "

* * *

 _I am truly sorry for my long absence and the wait of my story,_ _Break Down_ _. Originally I only planned for it to be a one-shot, which is why it took me a while to get back into the cycle. But I've gotten some solid ideas so things should be smooth sailing. This chapter here is the answer to all those people who keep saying, "Where is Yuki?" In my original idea, Yukio was in there but I swapped him out with Shura._


	3. Part 3

©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUE KATO!

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE**

It was low and quiet yet despite that, the voice filtered through the air, cutting through the silence like a hot knife to butter. A tiny gasp was sucked through rosy lips as Shiemi's pulse spiked in startle. It took her a moment to process the voice and her eyes widened once she did. She whipped around, her breath catching in her throat once she was faced with familiar blue eyes. Blue eyes that were staring at her in equal surprise.

"Rin…" The name escaped her lips in a gentle whisper and Rin blinked.

"Shiemi…what are you…why are you here?" He asked.

The look of shock on the blonde girl's face slowly ebbed away until it eventually turned into something softer as her eyes turned glassy.

"I'm so glad." She spoke quietly. Rin's brows pinched in confusion, mouth opening to speak before he was stunned into silence—the sight of tears streaming down her face causing his eyes to widen in alarm. He quickly came over to Shiemi, worry filling him, "Are you okay?" Shiemi stared at Rin once he was in front of her, nodding slightly in response. "Mm-hm." She hummed, a wavering smile coming across her face. "I'm alright."

Yet Rin found that hard to believe as the stream of tears became quicker. "Shiemi you're crying!" He panicked, his hands are raised but he didn't know what to do with them. "Why are you crying? Is it your wound?" He gazed at the medical tap around her forehead.

"I'm so relieved."

' _Huh_?'

Rin paused, tilting his head in confusion. Shiemi lifted a hand to her chest, resting it over her bosoms as her gaze lowered, eyes closing. "I'm so relieved." She repeated.

"About what?" Rin questioned, lowering his arms to his sides. A sob tore from Shiemi's throat and before he could process it, she was hugging him tightly.

"What the?" He choked out. He could feel her body trembling against his own. Tentatively, Rin slowly brought his arms around her, gently holding her as she cried. One arm wrapped around her back while one of his hands settled atop of her head.

' _Wow_.' Rin thought, fingering the fair strands, ' _She's so soft. Her hair is soft too._ ' He froze, letting the hair fall from his fingertips.

' _Stop being weird Rin. This is Shiemi and she's crying!_ ' That thought made him steel his self-control, chiding himself for touching Shiemi so carelessly. Hell, if she wasn't crying she wouldn't even be touching him right now! He gripped her shoulders firmly before he pulled her away from him.

"Hey." He spoke. "What's wrong with you?"

Crap. Be gentler Rin. Gentler!

"I-I mean." He hurried to elaborate, "Why are you crying?"

Her big green eyes blinked at him, and Rin couldn't help but notice that the tears didn't deter from her pretty face. She looked so sweet and innocent…

' _Someone so innocent shouldn't be with someone like you._ ' A thought was hissed out and Rin clenched his jaw. He focused on the ache in his mouth to ignore the sting in his chest and stared at the blonde female.

"What are you so relieved about that you're standing here bawling your eyes out?" Rin questioned. Shiemi's eyes lowered so that they were focused at Rin's clavicle instead of his eyes. It was silent for a moment before she sniffled, tugging on her sleeves.

"You." She said softly. Rin's brows shot up underneath his bangs, her reply stunning him.

" _Me_?" He echoed. "Why?" Shiemi reached up to rub her eyes, sniffles escaping her. He still didn't get it did he?

"Two days ago," Shiemi began, "back in the training room. After I came to, I realized how hurt the others were and yet you weren't anywhere to be seen." Her voice shook slightly as she remembered, "I asked where you were and Suguro told me that you were heavily injured and in some type of ICU. He looked so upset that I could only fear the worst!" Cries poured from her lips as she squeezed her eyes shut, hands fisting the uniform. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop picturing you in pain or hurt and bleeding…the images wouldn't go away. We couldn't see you, we couldn't visit you. I didn't know if you were okay…"

Her hands went to wipe at her eyes but instead of clearing tears, the balls of her hands rubbed into the sockets as if she was trying to physically rid herself of the proclaimed mental images plaguing her. The cries leaving her were heavy. However, they weren't necessarily sad. This was because she felt other emotions overwhelming her. Relief being the most prominent but also fear and remorse were clouding her head as she spilled out the words.

"I n-needed... I needed to know if you were okay…" Shiemi hiccupped, "…That's why I'm so relieved…to see you standing here… _Rin_ -"

No more was said as Shiemi was suddenly snatched up into strong, warm arms. She blinked rapidly in startle before she felt the shaking of Rin's body. "Rin?"

"Please don't cry." He shuddered, his voice barely over a whisper. "Please don't cry for me."

Shiemi's eyes widened. _What_? She twisted the back of Rin's shirt, squeezing the fabric in her hands as her heart seem to drop into her stomach. _What?_

"Don't cry for someone like me."

The toes of her shoes were barely grazing the floor and her spine was curved back at an odd angle, but she hardly took notice. Because Rin's words were all she could focus on. He released her after a moment or two, his hands resting on her shoulders and Shiemi found herself staring directly into Rin's eyes. Deep in those hues of blue, she could see it. The bouts of melancholy that was usually tucked away, hidden safely from outsiders to see. She could see the pain he felt, the pain that she heard in his words.

Her voice was lost to her. She couldn't figure out how to work her mouth and form the letters in that moment.

Rin gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze before letting go completely. She felt a strange distance between them that wasn't there before. His lips curled upwards in a small smile but she could see the sadness that tinged it.

"I'm fine okay? Just worry about yourself. Everything is alright." The words were painful to say but Rin needed to get them out. She was supposed to be resting yet here she was crying over him…she didn't need to worry about him.

"Come on." Rin spoke softly, "I'll walk you out."

Her throat felt inexplicably tight.

Rin took gentle hold of her jacket at the wrist as he started walking, encouraging her feet to move. She followed and he let go but all she could do was stare at him.

They weren't too far from the entrance. Just a few hallways and some stairs and they were at the doors. Rin opened the door for her and they stopped right outside of it, Rin's hand on the door to keep it from closing. The evening air was cool, a gentle breeze blowing every so often. Shiemi found herself gazing into Rin's eyes once more. The sun was setting and shadows were casted over his face, his blue eyes appearing lighter and almost translucent as the gentle light reflected off them.

"G'night." Rin said, "I'll see you tomorrow in class, okay?"

With that farewell, he gave a small wave as he turned around and Shiemi felt her hand reach out but her voice failed to follow; she was silent as she watch him disappear into the dormitory building and the door close shut behind him.

Left standing there alone, Shiemi stared with wide eyes at the doors as his words danced through her head.

" _Don't cry for someone like me."_

" _I'm fine."_

' _Why_?' She thought, ' _Why are you saying that when you look like you're about to fall apart_?'

She took a slow step forward, her fingertips touching the door. The cold metal burned against the skin of her forehead through her bangs that was clear of bandaging as she leaned her head on the door. Her green eyes peered intently at the brown coloring of the rusting door handles as she suddenly felt cold.

Why did everything feel so wrong now?

 ***.*.***

Rose colored eyes stared at the sky. Rather than being its usual blue, many hues were painted across from the setting sun. Shura exhaled lightly, shifting her footing as her feet started to ache. She stood bent over, resting on the windowsill with her chin in one hand, gazing outside in hopes to get her thoughts together. Yukio had come up to her earlier today after his lesson. He looked troubled.

" _Shura!"_

 _The curvaceous woman turned in the direction of the call, watching as Yukio quickly walked over to her._

" _What do you want Four-Eyes?" She questioned once he was close enough to hear. He gave her a pointed look at the nick-name and she supplied him with a lopsided grin in return._

" _May I talk to you?" He asked. She rose a brow in wonder, "Sure." She took a step, signaling for them to walk and talk and Yukio followed suit._

" _What's eating at ya?" She asked. Yukio was frowning as he fiddled with the folder in his hand._

" _Well," He began, "for starters, I would like to know something. Do you know why the demon in the training room suddenly went wild?" She shook her head in response. "No. But Mephisto has been stewing over it for a while. He thinks that there might be a connection between that and with the demon that attacked me."_

" _A demon attacked you?" Yukio blinked. When had this occurred? Shura blinked as she realized that she had failed to tell him of the incident. "Oh." She scratched her head, her fingers digging into her wild locks. "Well, the same day the demon went wild. Same time too I think."_

" _What!"_

 _The exclamation startled her slightly. She watched as Yukio let out a breath, lifting a hand to his face and rubbed at his forehead, pushing his bangs back slightly. "Okay," He spoke. "Start from the beginning. Tell me everything that happened that day."_

" _Mmm." She hummed, "Well firstly, we had a schedule change that day—which explains why we were in the training room to begin with—and I had the class learn to tame a Hirrus. However, I was told that Rin wasn't to participate so I sat him out."_

" _Wait." Yukio interrupted, looking at her suddenly. "You mean, you didn't personally take him out?"_

 _She narrowed her eyes at him, "No. Why?"_

" _I assumed that you kept Rin out because you didn't want to risk having him injected with the venom." Yukio confessed. "That's the only reason I could fathom."_

" _Then you're right on the money." Shura replied, causing a frown of confusion to appear on his face. "That's basically what Mephisto told me. He didn't know how Rin would react due to being Satan's kin. Whether it would trigger another fiasco like with Amaimon or not, he was unsure. But he didn't want to test it, considering how hard the higher-ups are breathing down Rin's neck already."_

" _I see."_

Shura spared a glance at her right forearm. It was wrapped from her elbow to her palm and lay on the windowpane, hanging out partly. Her fingers had turn cold from the cooling temperature. The demon had appeared suddenly while she was in the breakroom. It had startled her. It was one she wasn't familiar with. The demon had a humanoid shape, tall and grotesque. It only had a mouth full of sharp teeth in multiple rows and long, sharp claws for nails. She originally mistaken it as a type of Ghoul. She went to attack, only to be shocked when it moved ridiculously fast. She tried to block instead as it attacked and this continued for who knows how long. Her stamina was being tested and she couldn't find a chance to attack. At one point, the demon broke through her defenses and latched onto her arm with its mouth. The feeling of the teeth digging into her flesh and bone had her reeling with pain. She was thrown through the wall and sustained a couple minor injuries due to that. But despite that, Shura had gotten up. Yet the demon had run off and was nowhere to be seen.

The prospect of that **thing** finding the Exwires had sent her into a panicked sprint back towards the training arena. Upon arrival, she feared she was too late as she took in the chaos of the room.

However, it was later revealed to have just been the Hirrus. The relief was immense but overshadowed by the horror she felt by the state the students were in. Especially Rin.

Rin. She will never forget the image of him lying on the ground in a bloody heap, unconscious. She knew she should have taken care of him immediately. Why hadn't she just ignore what he said? He had gotten a full pump of venom and he suffered for it—his body had begun failing on him and they hadn't realized soon enough. Not until Surguro took notice. He had heard Rin's short scream.

God, it was nothing but discord.

The medics were all over the place. More had to be brought out because of Rin's condition. Shura demanded explanations from the only conscious students; Surguro had went into panic and Kamiki was shaken terribly. They explained the situation and the one thing that Shura couldn't figure the Hell out was why Rin hadn't protected _himself_.

His flames never came up once in conversation and she found his sword back where she sat him on the sidelines, still in its case.

" _That's an issue?"_

" _Of course you idiot!"_

Shura closed her eyes. The exchange back then when Rin had awoken still worried her. What had been going through Rin's mind? What had he meant when he said that? She hoped with all her might that it wasn't what she thought because that only brought more questions. Questions that she feared the answers to.

Everything started to catch up with her—his haggard appearance that had accumulated over the past month was still fresh in her memory. She began to backtrack as she realize the nosedive his mood had taken. He still acted like himself but she saw how hard on himself he had become. Every moment he failed to do something right, he grew unexplainably angry with himself. Shura had assume that to be part of his newfound determination to prove himself. But now she wasn't so sure. The woman feared what went on inside his head when no one was around. She knew the kid was more vulnerable than he let on but just how much had everything affect him?

The deaden tone he had when he spoken to her—when he said those frightening words—how comfortable he appeared to be with the thought of death. It _terrified_ her.

"Rin." The murmur slipped out from her full lips, her eyes opening. "What is going on with you?"

"Dear me." A familiar voice sounded, "What's with this serious look of yours?"

She spared him a glance before looking outside once more. She didn't feel like dealing with this clown. If he came to bother her, then Mephisto can go shove off.

"What do you want?" She replied quietly.

Mephisto rose a delicate brow. "Is it so wrong for me to ask what troubles you?"

Shura's brows furrowed in vexation, her face scrunching up slightly. "Yes." Mephisto let out a small laugh, leaning onto his cane lazily. His tiny green irises stared silently at the young woman as a grin curled onto his features. "Well, you have me there." He spoke, "Hmm, but just this once…" He held up his index finger for emphasis.

"…I will honestly listen."

Shura turned to stare in mute surprise at the principal. He was **serious**. She could tell. Twisting the fabric of her jacket sleeve in her uninjured hand, Shura turned around and lean back against the window.

"It's about Rin." She confessed after a minute of debating in silence, "I'm worried for him."

"Really?" Mephisto purred, "What for?"

Shura's frowned, "I've noticed some things about him recently. He doesn't seem very…"

"Happy?" Mephisto supplied. Shura blinked as she considered the word before realizing it was what she had been searching for. "Yeah, actually." She spoke. Her eyes narrowed a bit. "So you've noticed?"

The demon king let out a snort, "This is my school and he _is_ technically under my care. It would be odd if I didn't." Shura had to admit that he had a point. Mephisto turned to look out the window. "I'm not quite sure about the reasoning of his lack of happiness however. I assume it's a hormonal thing of a teenager. A lot has happened to him recently so it's no surprise that he may feel depressed." He spoke as his expression turn solemn. Shura didn't reply, instead choosing to look out the window once more. The sun had set lower and night was fast approaching. A soft exhale escaped through her nostrils.

"But if there is something that strikes you as especially odd about Rin, then by all means feel free to keep an eye on him." Mephisto said suddenly after a couple minutes of silence. Shura rolled her eyes to the side, glancing at the principal in her peripheral vision before turning her eyes to stare ahead of her once more.

"I suppose I will."

* * *

 _Hello, my dear readers._

 _Here's is the third chapter of_ _Break Down_ _. I know it's a little short compared to the other ones and I'm not too pleased with that. I haven't been feeling well recently due to these intense migraines, so everything has been like a blur. But I got this sudden inspiration based on two songs that I was listening to: "Night of the Damned" a Vampiric piece and "A Vampire's Heart" by Peter Gundry._

 _Since you guys want this to be a multi-chapter, I have to work out the kinks in this story because like I said before- it was originally supposed to be a one-shot. But I hope you all enjoyed this one! I will try to get the next one out soon as I can!_


	4. Part 4

©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUE KATO!

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

' _It looks like rain.'_

The thought floated through his head as he stared out the window, taking in the dark grey clouds that filled the sky.

A yawn creeped up on him and Rin felt his eyes fill with tears. Apparently lack of sleep was starting to get to him. He rubbed his eyes and turned his attention to the front, where the teacher was droning on and on about the subject. Rin half-heartedly copied down some of the equations on the chalkboard but found himself unable to really focus on them.

His thoughts were clouded with memories from the last few days. Specifically memories from the evening before—when Shiemi had come to the dorms. After bidding her farewell, Rin had gone straight to the washroom. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he stumbled into a shower stall, clothes on and everything.

The water may have been too hot to be comfortable at the time, and the whole room filled with steam not even ten minutes in, but Rin hardly took notice. Ragged breaths left through his chapped lips and his mouth felt dry. He leaned against the wall, embracing himself with his nails digging into his ribs as he squinted against the water.

He was shaking—he noticed the way his knees wobbled and he soon found himself sliding against the wall, until his bum hit the floor, legs tucked against him loosely. His hair clung to his face and neck and he blinked away the water that would gather in his lashes. The uneven pattern of his breathing didn't lessen and he tilted his head back against the wall, trying to breathe through this stuffy atmosphere. His eyes dulled as the thoughts in his head took over.

The amount of time that he stayed in there for was unclear. He was roused from this stupor by a nudging to his side and a gentle voice breaking through the abyss of thoughts he was lost in.

 _ **(Rin?)**_

He vaguely remembered what happened after; green eyes filled with worry, a warmth enveloping his mind, fatigue washing over his body, loosening the tension that had him so tightly wound up. The water had been shut off and he was faintly aware of holding something warm and familiar, burying his face in the soft black coat.

Eventually though, he somehow made it back to his room and stripped off his wet garments. When he awoke this morning, he was naked and curled up under the thin sheets of the dormitory bed with Kuro tucked under his chin.

The familiar wasn't asleep and it's voice echoed quietly throughout his mind once they realized that he had awoken.

 _ **(Rin?)**_

He had given a soft grunt in reply and that was the end of the conversation. He lay there with Kuro for a while longer until his alarm went off and he got up to get ready for school.

Rin supposed his attitude this morning could be described as 'muted'. He was never really a morning person to begin with, but as he got ready, Yukio seemed to take notice of his soft demeanor and hesitantly asked if he was alright. He thought about it for a second before answering,

" _Yeah, I'm okay."_

The conversation dropped after that. His thoughts were patchy but at least his head was clearer. All through his first couple of classes he had been lost in a haze where he didn't… _feel_ much. The best way Rin could describe it was that it, was as if his emotions had been set on 'low' and he kind of just cruised along pokerfaced.

The sensation eased up and Rin was gaining a bit more energy as the day continued but he wasn't sure if that was a good thing; the thoughts that overwhelmed him last night returning.

Which brings him back to now. His brows pinched as he propped his head in his hand, feeling irritation bubble within him.

He tried to ignore it; choosing to look around the room, out the window, at the teacher— _anything_ that he hoped would grab his attention.

Yet nothing _worked_ —

" _I didn't know if you were okay."_

His breathing hitched in surprise. Oh, _Hell no_.

" _I needed to know if you were okay…"_

His chest felt tight and his throat felt weird as he heard the crack in her voice.

" _I'm so relieved…"_

' _Stop_.' He begged quietly, his hand moving to hold his face. He squinted, glaring through his fingers as the feeling in his throat increased, tightening.

How pathetic is it that he can't even control his thoughts?

Control?

Everything. Was always out of his control.

Why was shit always out of his control?

 _Why?_

Rin tried to clear his throat but he found it to be useless and he felt tiny beads of sweat form above his brow.

Screw this.

Rin raised his hand and when the teacher called on him, he asked to use the restroom. Heaven only knows what she saw when she looked at him because she stood quiet for a second before allowing him to leave. Rin closed his book and hurried out the classroom. Once he was out, he let out a gasp, holding the wall for support that he didn't receive from his shaky legs. He took a moment to gather himself, wiping a hand across his face and through his bangs. The cool air of the hallways helped soothe his flushed skin as he navigated through them.

As Rin entered the bathroom, he loosened his tie but the choking sensation persisted. Frustration growing, Rin fumbled with the garment before pulling it off entirely, as well as undoing the first couple of buttons of his shirt.

He felt _confined_.

The boy stripped off his uniform jacket; haphazardly draping it, along with his tie, over the sink near him. Rin undid a few more buttons. His face felt warm and his head was starting to ache.

He headed over to the sink and turned on the tap, setting the water to its coldest before scooping a generous amount into his hands. The feeling of the icy water hitting his skin was refreshing and brought immediate relief. Rin rubbed at his eyes vigorously before sliding his hands up into his hair, pushing his bangs back and out of his face. He gathered some more water in his hands and ran them through his hair, the droplets running along his neck and down his chest and spine causing goosebumps to rise on his skin from the chill.

He was tempted to just dunk his whole head under the sink but that would be a pain to deal with afterwards. Instead, Rin continued to splash his face as the tension he felt slowly eased bit by bit until he could think clearly once more.

A quiet exhale escaped him as he slowly dragged his hands down his face before reaching out to turn off the faucet.

" _Ow, shit._ "

Rin froze at the sound of another's voice. He recognized that voice. Rin turned his head in the direction of the bathroom entrance just as a familiar head of pink hair entered his line of sight. Renzou jumped at the sight of Rin standing at the sink, staring back at him.

"Okumura!" He gasped, "Frikken Christ! You scared me!" He places a hand on his chest in emphasis as he lets out a breath and Rin takes notice that his other arm is in a sling.

"Your arm…" He trails as a memory comes back to him—

 _"…Konekomaru and Moriyama both have minor concussions and Shima had a dislocated shoulder…"_

—and he blinks. "…is that from the demon attack a couple days ago?"

Renzou mimics the action in confusion. "Huh?" He looks at his arm in realization, "Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah! Um. I dislocated my shoulder."

Rin's brows furrow at Renzou's tone. He almost sounded…dazed?

"You okay man?" Renzou asked, "You look kind of roughed up."

Rin was made acutely aware of how he must look in that moment and he frowned. He placed a hand on his neck as he replied, "I'm fine."

Renzou blinked slowly before his expression scrunched up. "You're wet." He pointed out.

"Uh…" Rin squinted in bemusement, "…yeah, I am." Renzou suddenly looked as if he realized something and quickly headed over to the urinals. Rin assumed that was the end of the conversation and try not to let the disappointment creep into him as he began to straighten out his shirt and button it.

"Glad to see that _you're_ okay though." Renzou said as he relieved himself, causing Rin to pause.

"Uh, no offense." Rin began, "But I thought you weren't talking to me?"

There was a moment of silence before soft laughter echoed throughout the bathroom. "Ah, that's right." Renzou zipped himself up and headed over to the sink. As he started tying his tie, Rin stared at Renzou for a moment. Something seemed…. _off_ about him.

"What?" Renzou questioned as he turned off the faucet, tossing Rin a confused look. "Is there something on my face?"

"Aren't you scared of me too?" Rin accused flatly, suspicion getting the better of him.

Renzou chuckled lightly, drying his hand on his pants, "Me? No, I wouldn't say that…" He tilted his head in consideration, "…I suppose it's more so the fact that I hate troublesome things."

Rin scoffed, "You hate _troublesome_ things?" He slipped on his jacket, "Talk about lame."

Renzou let out an offended noise, "Excuse me? Did you just call me ' _lame'_?" He placed his hand on his hip. "I'll have you know that I am the epitome of cool, _thank you very much_."

The hearty laugh that left Rin, set off a spark of annoyance in the other boy. "What's so funny?" He griped.

Snickering Rin pointed at him, "You! Hate to break it to you, but dude, on my list of cool people you rank below Kuro."

Renzou grasped at his chest, letting out a scandalized breath. "How _dare_ you?!"

"Wait." Rin snickered dryly, "On second thought, you don't even make the list."

"You're terrible!" Renzou cried, feeling wounded. Rin shrugged, "Can't help the truth."

Renzou paused, taking in the situation before he found himself letting out a laugh. One that grew in volume and intensity, bordering on hysteria. Rin stared at him warily as he shook his head.

"You make this so difficult." Renzou admitted, scratching his cheek. "But to be fair, I _am_ pretty hopped up on pain meds right now…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rin asked. Renzou giggled.

"Here I was, trying not to get involved with you but I ended up talking to you like normal. I mean, you kind of make it hard _not_ to talk to you, Okumura." Renzou admitted giving Rin a slanted grin. He let out another laugh, "In fact, trying to avoid talking to you has been _way_ more troublesome." He shook his head again at the thought, pink locks swishing about. "Talk about irony."

Rin rose a brow in surprise. "Wow. Um, so you're gonna...talk to me?"

Renzou shrugged, wincing at the ache from his dislocated shoulder. He gave a pained smile, "Guess so." He gently massaged the joint.

"What about Suguro and Konekomaru?" Rin inquired. A quiet scoff escaped Renzou. "Those two need to relax. Everyone's way too serious." He muttered.

"Kind of hard to relax around someone you're afraid of or hate." Rin provided weakly, messing with his hair, setting it back to normal. He starts heading to the exit; he's been in here too long.

Renzou frowned, following. "They don't _hate_ you Okumura."

Rin's brows furrowed slightly. "Could've fooled me." He replied quietly, "Suguro seems pretty hateful."

"Pfft." Renzou rolled his eyes, "Oh, he's just angry. But it's not like he doesn't care, ya know?"

He receives no reply and Renzou exhales softly. "He was pretty shaken after the whole demon incident ya know? He's been in a weird mood ever since."

Surprise overtakes Rin as he registers what was said. "What do you mean 'mood'?" He asked cautiously. Renzou shrugs helplessly before letting out a curse at his shoulder.

"Listen man, my class is this way. I'll see you around." Rin gives a small wave as Renzou goes down an adjacent hall and is left pondering. He heads back to his class and left with new thoughts festering through his mind.

 ***.*.***

She was looking out across the sea of students when she spotted him. He was sitting on the fountain wall, picking at his lunch.

Anxiety had her pulse pumping as she struggled to work up the courage to walk over to him.

' _He looks lonely_.' the thought made her brows furrow. Of course he did. Why wouldn't he? She hadn't properly spoken to him until yesterday, after all. Even then, she had been nothing short of a blubbering mess.

She started forward in his direction before pausing and turning heel.

He was alone. _She_ left him alone. She left him alone and she didn't freaking realize.

She was so caught up in her own feelings that she didn't realize her friend was _suffering_.

She headed in his direction before turning back once more, twisting her fingers unsurely.

Friend?

Could she really call herself his _friend_?

She looked over in his direction, her expression pained as guilt stabbed through her.

" _Don't cry for someone like me."_

" _I'm fine."_

' _Bullcrap_.' She was mildly surprised by the hostility she felt as the memory from the day before resurfaced.

' _You're_ _ **not**_ _fine Rin_.' Once more, Shiemi began to walk in his direction. She didn't stop this time and maneuvered her way through the crowd, her eyes trained on his figure. He didn't seem to notice her as she neared.

"Rin?"

He jumped slightly and his gaze snapped over to her in surprise.

"Shiemi." He said simply, his expression relaxing somewhat.

She shuffled unsurely. What should she say?

"Hi." She gave a nervous smile, wincing internally.

"Hi?" Rin stretched the word, his face scrunching in confusion, seeming caught off guard.

' _Way to be awkward, Shiemi_.' she chided herself mentally. She gestured to the fountain.

"Do you mind if I join you?" She asked.

Rin peered at her, his expression cautious. "Go ahead." He replied after a moment and she took a seat next to him. They sat in silence.

He coughed.

She kicked a pebble.

Tense, awkward silence.

He took a bite from his yakisoba.

She sniffled.

What _was_ this?

Her nerves were fried as she fought to think of something to say. Unable to come up with anything, she snuk a glance at him. He looked...angry?

Why was that?

"What the hell is with this awkwardness?!" Rin exploded.

Shiemi jumped in startle as she looked at him. He looked frustrated as he chewed his food aggressively. She blinked rapidly as she processed what he said.

"Well its not like you tried to make it any better!" She snapped, surprisingly vexed and flustered. Rin's brows disappeared behind his bangs as he stared at her, taken aback.

"How was I _supposed_ to?" He fired in response.

"I don't _know_!"

They were staring each other in the eye, expressions tense. Suddenly Rin let out a sigh, scratching his head roughly.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you?" He muttered. Shiemi pouted as she deflated. "Nothing." She murmured. She stared at him quietly for a moment.

"I'm just...you..." she struggled for words. "…You seem upset Rin." she spoke gently, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

He paused. Then he set his sandwich in his lap as he gave her a confused smile.

"What are you talking about?" He laughed lightly, his voice wavering a bit. "I'm alright."

"I mean…" Shiemi trailed as the memory from the day before came once again.

"Are you _sure_?"

He seemed to pause, not replying right away. She chewed her bottom lip gently as she waited but it seemed like he wasn't going to speak as he fiddled with the wrapping of his sandwich. She wrung her hands out anxiously.

"Rin?" She inquired quietly, her voice failing.

"I…" Rin paused as his brows pinched. He was staring out over the campus now.

"...I _am_ upset…" he admitted stiffly. "...I'm upset over a couple of things." His leg began bouncing as he spoke. "But it's nothing major— I just need to f- _fix_ it. Then everything will be okay."

Shiemi frowned in concern. "Fix what?"

"What I messed up." Rin muttered.

She wanted to press. She really did. But the look in his eyes stopped her from doing so. It was a strange look. So instead, she asked how his day was. Rin looked grateful for the topic change and slowly began to ease up as he explained and for the rest of the break they stuck to light chatter.

 ***.*.***

"Cancelled?"

Rin blinked. His light colored irises shrinking, eyes wide with surprise.

"That's what I said." Izumo replied with a flat look.

His school day had just finished and Rin had been on his way to cram school when he noticed the herd of students surrounding the entry way. In his confusion, Rin had tried to see what was going on but he eventually asked one of the students nearby—whom happened to be Izumo.

Apparently Cram school was cancelled today.

"Why?" He questioned. Izumo crossed her arms loosely as she tilted her head to one side.

"Haven't you heard?" She inquired lightly, "There's a demon loose on campus and all Exorcists are on the lookout. I suppose that includes the Exorcists that teach Cram School."

"Demon?" This was news to him. "When did a demon get loose?"

Izumo squinted at him before her expression relaxed in realization. "Around the time you were unconscious. It attacked Shura."

"Woah." He gasped, "Is she okay?"

Izumo nodded and turned to the crowed, "They're letting out an official notice, I think, because it was so sudden that Cram school was cancelled."

A dark brow rose, "How do you know all this then?" He asked innocently.

Izumo shrugged, "I ran into Mr. Okumura not too long ago and he gave me a heads up."

Well, that makes sense. With Yukio being an Exorcist/their teacher and all.

Rin let out a sigh. Well who was he to complain? Today had been exhausting and he was ready to crash. Popping his spine, Rin stretched and lugged his bag over his shoulder.

"Free afternoon?" He said lightly, "Guess I'm heading back to the dorms. See you tomorrow Eyebrows." He smirked as red colored the small girl's cheeks, her eyes widening, before he turned about and begun to stroll away listening to her sputter.

From the corner of his eye, Rin saw a familiar face. Or rather, _three_ familiar faces. He looked over in the direction and saw the Kyoto trio speaking amongst themselves. Suddenly, Ryuji's gaze caught his own and Rin froze. Apparently, Ryuji did something similar because Renzou and Miwa followed his gaze.

Rin swallowed audibly before lifting his hand, giving a wave as his lips curled at the corners in a small grin. He didn't stick around to see their reactions and turned his eyes forward once more, a new purpose in his walk. The feeling of his heart beating soundly in his chest spurred Rin on, and he felt fried.

He did it.

Okay.

Alright.

Not too bad.

He tried to hold onto the silver lining but the feeling of doubt creeped up on him unexpectedly and he was torn between the desire to have seen their reaction and the decision to just keep walking. He let out an unsteady breath.

 _Lord_.

Lordy lord.

Today was just an emotional rollercoaster wasn't it?

He pursed his lips and continued on until the dormitory was in his sight. He shuffled in through the front entrance and let out a sigh once he was inside; leaning against the doors as relief pooled out of him.

Yukio should be home late if he was really held up by all this Exorcist stuff so that gave Rin the entire building to himself for who-knows-how long.

Rin pushed himself off the doors and began his journey upstairs. Once he gets upstairs, however, he stopped in his tracks.

A prickling feeling shot up his spine and a sense of dread pooled in the pit of his stomach. A whisper. Right up to his ear, in a quiet, haunting tone. His blue eyes darted around, a wild look in them. What was that?

The hairs on his body stood as goosebumps formed; the temperature seeming to plummet where he stood. He scanned the area. What _was_ that?!

More noises. A strange, inhuman groan. Rin whipped around but found no one there. He took a step back in surprise at the fog that was steadily gathering at his feet.

"What the?"

The fog was quickly growing, rising up to his knees. His instincts were screaming at him to get away _immediately_ and without hesitation, Rin broke out into a sprint down the hallway. The spot where he stood froze over in a layer of ice. Rin darted down multiple halls, trying to get away but the fog was close on his heels. It was as if it was coming from every direction! Panic was swelling within him and he ran up a staircase. However he was stopped before he could reach the top by the fog as it cut around him, trapping him.

As Rin panted, he felt a biting cold sensation on his shoulders, akin to hands grabbing him. His eyes widened as it traveled down his torso. "Don't touch me!" He screamed as he burst into flames; the fire gently lapping at his body, basking him in its familiar warmth. The fog retreated from around him and he scampered to the top of the stairs, looking around and trying to spot his assailant.

' _A_ _demon_?' Rin pondered as he looked around. ' _Just what_ -' A startle noise left him as stepped back, cold enveloping his face. His flames flickered, before disappearing. His footing slipped and Rin gasped as the floor beneath him disappeared.

The air was knocked from his lungs as his back made contact with the ground, stunning him. Pain surfaced in his chest and Rin panicked. He couldn't breathe—

He rolled over onto his hands and knees, coughing and gasping as he greedily sucked in the much needed oxygen. There was a pounding in his skull and the pain in his chest—it wouldn't _go_ _away—_

An inhuman groan cut through the ringing in his ears. Rin looked up and his eyes widened as fear took hold of him.

Down the hall, stood a tall malformed being, perched on all fours. It's faceless head peering his way, with a mouth full of teeth and saliva. It crawled slowly, as a lion would while hunting its prey.

Quaking, Rin scrambled to get up. He looked around wildly, _searching_ for his goddamn **sword** —

 _There!_

It was caught between the banister of the stair rail and he ran over to it. He _heard_ the snarl the demon let out before the pounding sound of its footsteps as it barreled towards him. He pulled the sword free and just managed to turn around to block the attack of the demon, yet the force of the tackle threw him onto his back and he gasped in pain. Through the dots gathering in his vision, he struggled to keep the demon at distance with the sword as barricade.

Being this close was way more terrifying as he got a look at the demon's mouth up close and personal. He blanched at the rows of teeth as spit drooled onto his face and chest.

"Holy shit!" He cried out as he held off a snap from those jaws. His heart was pounding and his breathing was erratic and panicked as the blood rushed to his ears. Summoning all the strength he could, he shove the demon off of him and watched as it skid back some yards, crashing into a wall. Rin quickly pushed himself to his feet, vertigo making him almost topple over once more.

He steadied himself on the sword, gasping, keeping his eyes trained on the demon as it recovered. It sprinted at him and this time, Rin was ready for it as he ducked to the side. He stumbled before bracing himself for a third attack and swung his sword at the demon, hitting it across the face. If only he had time to _unsheathe_ it—

He was tackled again. This time, the force of it smashed them through the wall he stood against and he felt winded once more. Debris and dust spread through the air and he struggled to breathe. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision and was faced with those monstrous jaws.

He was frozen, his sword lost and he was pinned.

It was then suddenly, that he felt an ice cold sensation along his backside, making him freeze in place. It traveled up his neck before it grazed the shell of his ear. A voice sounded. It was the same voice from before; quiet whisper that invoked a deep fear within him.

' _ **Why are you here?**_ '

His eyes widened tremendously as the feeling in his muscles weakened, the icy sensation enveloping them. Rin sagged to the floor as his arms gave out. He couldn't focus, his mind felt cloudy.

' _ **Why**_ _?_ '

Suddenly the demon leaned back and Rin watched in horror as its physical form began to morph and change, bone structure rearranging and shifting. Skin losing its ashen look and appearing more colored and textured, teeth retracting and moving as its jaw became smaller. More… _human_. Sharp and defined, accompanied by full cheeks and pale lips. A strong nose formed and thick brows grew over a pair of light blue eyes with vertical slits for pupils, tinted red. Dark locks fell over their forehead and framed their face and long pointed ears that sprouted from the sides of their head.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Eyes identical to his own stared back at him apathetically. Rin forgot how to breathe.

It was _him._

Pinning him to the ground was a carbon copy of _himself_.

"What the fuck?" He whispered in terror. The demon sat back on it's (his?) haunches, observing it's new form with interest. Rin's limbs felt like cold dead weight, much to his frustration, and he found that he could barely lift a finger. It pissed him off impossibly so, as the demon sat there straddling him, looking at features that weren't even _theirs_.

"Get off." He tried to demand, though his voice was weak and it came out more like a plea instead. "Get _off_ of me! Get off and take off my fucking _face!_ "

Blue eyes looked down at him and Rin was beyond creeped out. He could see fangs poking out from behind it's lips as it parted them. Suddenly, it leaned forward and Rin flinched.

Something touched his cheek and he realized, much to his alarm, that it was a god damn _hand_.

Rin couldn't help the tremors wracking through his body at the simple action. This…this _thing_ had him overpowered, had him pinned, had his _face_. Just what the hell did it plan to do _now_?

It's thumb stroked along his face and the squeak that left him was weak and startled. Was it possible to be dizzy with fear? Because Rin could feel himself teetering on the edge of being sick.

' _ **Why**_ _?_ '

Wait…wait?

Rin blinked to clear his head as a chill shot through him once more at the voice and he could see something change in the demon's gaze. _What_?

"RIN!"

The sound of his name rang through his ears and the demon's head snapped up, eyes narrowing and a snarl leaving it's throat as it bared it's teeth. A shot rang out through the air and the demon jumped off from him. As it scurried further away, Rin watched as its appearance reverted back to it's normal grotesque state. Multiple gunshots were fired as the demon dodged them before retreating.

Rin was faintly aware of the sounds of others' voices through the ringing in his ears—orders being called and multiple footsteps charging along the floor. Rin felt the adrenaline leaving him, exhaustion overtaking him and his eyes slid shut as he shivered. He felt drained.

"Rin!"

Suddenly it was if the ice began to thaw out as warmth steadily returned. The cold was nothing more than a cool feeling grazing the surface of his skin now as he felt his body being shaken roughly. It forcefully pulled him into awareness; the action of blinking his eyes felt heavy and slow as if awakening from a deep slumber. A blurred figure appeared in his line of vision that slowly came into focus to reveal the sight of his brother. Yukio was staring down at him with a look of distraught, panic clear in his aqua eyes.

"Rin! Rin can you hear me? Please answer!"

"Yukio?" The question came out as a soft murmur, his voice barely above the volume of a whisper. The relief on Yukio's face was immediate, his eyes closing as he let out a shaky breath. Confusion bloomed within Rin as he tried to sit up.

"What – ah – what're you doing here?" He was sore right now in multiple areas and he was sure he would feel it in full effect later.

Yukio assisted him in sitting up. "Shura, she – she was alerted that you used your flames. She called in some reinforcements. What happened here?"

"Demon." He groaned out as he leaned into Yukio, his body aching. "Demon." He repeated dazed.

"Stay awake Rin. Are you hurt?"

Rin buried his face into Yukio's shoulder, tucking his head under his chin. He felt Yukio tense in response. Images of the demon's transformation flashed across his mind's eye and he flinched.

"Is he okay?" Shura.

"I–I don't know." Yukio. "He hasn't responded yet but he seems pretty banged up."

"Hey." Shura. Much closer. "Rin? Are you okay? Rin!"

Rin let out a moan, "Gimme a minute. Head hurts." Despite saying this, he pulled away from Yukio as he peeled his eyes open. Shura was kneeling down next to them with hard eyes, expression worried.

"Are you with us?" Shura questioned gently. He gave a quiet confirmation. He jumped as he heard gunshots echo in the distance and looked around frantically.

It was a _mess_.

Debris and concrete were everywhere and the hole in the wall was enormous. But Rin ignored that in favor of looking for his sword.

"Sword." He gasped out. "My sword?!"

Shura's eyes widened, "Where is it?"

Rin gripped his chest as he coughed, "Dropped it after I was smashed through the wall." He looked around again, "Over there." He pointed over by the stairs on the other side of the hole. Shura went to fetch it and returned it to him.

"The d-demon…" He stammered, clutching the sword (still in its case, thank god), "…it's got – it had – my f- _face_."

"What?" Shura said.

"What do you mean?" Yukio asked, his voice tense.

"It _changed_ and looked like me!" Rin hissed. "What the hell is going _on_?"

His question went unanswered as Shura swore and stood up. "Yukio, take him to Mephisto. I'm gonna help the others try to catch that thing."

"Got it."

As Yukio helped him stand, Rin saw black creep along the edges of his vision and he sagged against his brother.

"Sorry." He muttered, "Sorry. I'm really out of it."

"You look like you've seen better days." Yukio said lowly as he helped Rin shuffle along. "Are you hurt?"

"Not _hurt_ exactly…" Rin started, "…just really sore and achy from getting my ass kicked." He shivered. "I also feel…drained."

"I can imagine why." Came the reply. Rin shook his head.

"N-No. It's different from usual. Like, the energy has been sapped right out of me, kind of."

"What? Was the demon capable of absorbing energy?"

"Hell if I know." Rin muttered, "Will you tell me what's going on?"

Yukio frowned, "Well. I'm not too clear on the matter, myself." They stopped at a door and Yukio pulled out his dimension key. He unlocked it and they stepped through. Rin looked around and noticed they were now in the administration wing of the school.

"A demon slipped through the barrier a couple days ago and Exorcists have been ordered to find it and contain it. We have no idea what it is and the only one who has gotten a close look at it was Shura but based on her description, we have no files regarding them." Yukio explained, his tone tight with irritation.

"That's weird." Rin spoke.

"To be frank, it's kind of pissing me off how we're running in blind like this." Rin snorted lightly in response. He pulled himself from Yukio's hold. "I think I can walk on my own now." He took a few test steps.

Yukio stared warily before nodding and they continued their journey until they found themselves standing in front of the doors to Mephisto's office. Yukio knocked.

" _Come in._ "

They entered and were greeted with the sight of Mephisto sitting at his desk, filling out forms. He looked up and his lips curled into a smirk once he saw them.

"Ah~" He mused, resting his chin in a gloved palm. "Okumura brothers. To what do I owe this visit?"

* * *

 _Hello dear readers._

 _I am terribly sorry for the long wait. These past months have been an emotional rollercoaster for me, and I honestly just needed some time to myself to work things out._

 _I've also been working on this chapter for quite some time actually but it never felt right and I ended up scrapping many ideas as result. But I've developed a flow and now have an idea on where this story is going._

 _Also, thank you? Like, really?_

 _The amount of attention "_ _Break Down"_ _has received blows my freaking mind and I continued to flush in awe as I receive a notification that someone has favorite, followed, or reviewed/commented on this story. Seriously guys, thank you. I've been out of the writing game for some years and lacked confidence in my skills (and I still do since I'm rusty af) when I first posted this, but the amount of positive feedback this has received spurs me on. So once again, thank you to everyone who has read this. I truly and honestly mean that with every fiber of my being._

 _Also,_ _as a little easter egg, I would like to know if any of you guys can guess what the species/name of the demon is (it's quite actually a thing that exists, though they aren't really demons irl) before the next chapter, based on the clues I have given throughout this one. If you have an idea, please list it in your comment/review down below. Just so you guys aren't completely bored while waiting for the next chapter._

 _Next chapter coming out as soon I can!_


End file.
